Money for Love

11.45 p.m., 22 February 2019, Friday

Mood: Happy 😁

  Today is the birth date of my dear sister. It was a fulfilling day where I planned a surprise gift for her; buying a pricey Charles & Keith bag online, making sure that the bag will be shipped on time (thank god for standard shipping where it only took 3 days to arrive #happyhands), and revising an imaginary scenario of the surprise taking place (which included me being extra by drawing the bag and writing a poem-like note at the very last minute). It all ended well, although I suspect that my sister had already hinted at the surprise gift.

  Today, I realised my utmost wish to earn lots of money in the future. Everyone loves money and I do, too and I want to earn money for the purpose of buying gifts for everyone I cherish in my life. I found that (today) I find happiness in giving especially good stuff to people. It somehow made me want to give everyone a gift as well (especially my other family members). Unfortunately, these people on my list will have to wait till I get another slip of my pay check!

  Perhaps what I felt about giving my favourite people gifts is similar as to why people donate to charities. Regarding to this issue, most of the time I find it to be just for show as the workers at the home don’t exactly do it out of love, and that the donors have far too much time in their hands. Back to the topic, I think I now know why people do charities. They want to see people happy and make the world seem a better place to live in, hoping to ease the suffering and pain of these less fortunate people, to give them a chance to be happy even just for a moment, to let them feel loved and belonged, to tell them that some people care. Such positivity should be embraced by everyone in this selfish world led by capitalism where people are never satisfied with what they have and that the people are actually valued by money!

  We should take a moment to stop what we are doing and think about our happiness. Of course, I can’t tell you what job you should do. Rather, I can tell you about the way of finding happiness just by doing the small things in our daily lives. Such small things can be just a mere act of kindness to another stranger we meet in the street. Or it can be our closed ones, whichever we prefer. This might sound absurd but such small things can be giving up a seat in the train to an elderly or even donate something to an orphanage. It might be more rewarding if we volunteer to do charity work. I believe that such acts of kindness will surely give you a hope and a dose of happiness to add colour to your life. That is what makes us move on.

Note: Forgive me for my bad writing technique T3T (basically in ALL the post entries).

Death And Birth

11.43 a.m., 16 August 2018, Thursday

Mood: Tired 😴

 Birth is something that people gladly receive. Death, is something people deemed as a dark and a sad event. Some people go through illness before passing, some just die in their sleep; the most peaceful way of passing but some people get shot and blood was splattered, while the others died in natural disasters. There are so many causes to a death, but there is only one way to birth, from a mother's womb - unless you want to include the not-so-new-technology of test tube babies.

 However, what I witnessed the most is the pathetic, pitiful and painful process to death. People grow old and are bound to die and since there is no way of escaping death's door, they either live a healthy life throughout or just one filled with problems. In most cases, people get sick which is also a sort of a time-bomb reminding us of the limited time left such as the ever-so-notorious cancers, Alzheimer's disease and diabetes. The process is unbearable to see where they suffered all the time. It is a never-ending pain.

 When they do die, they go so ungracefully because of her loved ones witnessing the stages to her death. Perhaps if no one witnessed it, it would not be so ungraceful and ugly. Some people believed that if you come into this world so grandly, you should also die gracefully and beautifully. This is why some people hire desairologist to make the dead beautiful before they really go.

 I feel sad for those who had to go through continuous treatment to the point that they had to be fed through tubes in the hospital bed. Worse of all, people will begin to leave the ill person, some not even visiting them to their last day. It is sad to see how death separate people and see their true colours. Only at such stage when you need help the most that people peeled out their layers of masks.

Marriage; Is It A Trap?

12.59 p.m., 11 August 2018, Saturday

Mood: Good 😊

 Today Mrs F taught us a poem called One Flesh (by Elizabeth Jennings). Now, this poem is about the calm fire of ageing love, where old couples (especially married ones) are no longer expressing their love to each other and are on the comfort level.

 I hate it when a partner has an affair especially after being bonded legally to the other half. It is so unfaithful and Mrs F (I could see she was holding herself from tearing up which I don't understand why would she even tell us this) told us that it was so unexpected that they would have such a sad ending, that they had loved each other so much but it was not strong enough to maintain it. I thought of a saying my mum spoke a few months ago, "Romantic men are mostly unfaithful". Yes, I'm being stereotypical but I find it true in many aspects. Romantic people tend to cherish the current moment more and most of the time failed to consider the consequences of their actions. Romanticism lasts a while and the excitement from it will wear off. I feel that is the case with Mrs F's parents. They fell in love at first sight and probably did everything romantic in one day instead of taking their time to build their relationship. She said they dated for 3 years. It's long enough but something must be missing throughout the years they have been together.

 I believe that staying in love and being faithful is the key to a strong relationship and that it makes the love stronger because no one can penetrate through the love barrier. It is the effort put into understanding and tolerate with one another that I feel is an expression of love. Some people don't have to express it through roses but they feel it and that is what makes a relationship lasts.

 Not to say I'm an expert in such things but I don't believe in lovey-dovey kind of relationships. I believe in the process which also actually makes one confirm their level of love to the other person. Sometimes, the longer you take time to confirm your feelings, it will be fruitful.

 I disagree when people say they are out of love and then divorced after they were married and even had 4 children. Aren't the children a source of love? If you have an affair because your wife or your counterpart has too strong a desire then you are being a sexual maniac. Moreover, you must be immature to think you cannot love a person anymore especially after you put in so much effort in the past to chase your love. Most married couples stayed married not because they still love each other, not because of society pressure, but because of the responsibilities they have. It is their responsibilities to take into account of their surrounding people whether they will be affected, in which a good example is children. You have a moral duty to bring up your children with both parents so that they will not be affected mentally. It will be better for them to receive love from both parents.

 Anyhow, it is not for me to condemn others' people thinking. I am just grateful divorce never happened in my family. For your information, my parents raised me well.

The Beginning

  To begin with this blog, I would like to first narrate on how I chose law as my pathway to the future. Around in the middle of March 2018, my whole family went to the exhibition fair at Midvalley to search for a decent college. I was still very much unsure of what I was going to do in the future. Most people who know me, including myself, thought that I would go to a music college, or a teacher's college like my mother. However, I was not very much interested in pursuing music at a college. I felt that I wanted more than that. I wanted some kind of an interesting subject that will give me further knowledge about the outside world instead of being caved inside the small bubble of the familiar subject. I wanted something new and fresh. I was also considering the various subjects based on my SPM results, deciding that anything related to science is out of my league so it was narrowed down to the art subjects.

  It was at this exhibition that my mum also began questioning me about what occupation I like (as though as if I was back in primary 1). It was definitely a last minute decision. To be frank, I was not even interested or excited in this fair. I was not expecting anything; all I expected was to see my friend at ATC booth there. To be clearer on this matter, she was helping out a law college she was studying at - and mind you, she's not the reason why I decided to study law either. Back on track, my mum suggested law to me and I thought that since there was nothing I'm actually good at, I just went with it so I have an answer to the promoters who asked me what subject I am seeking for. This was how I found out about BAC actually when one promoter told me to go to BAC as they are deemed to be the best in law education.

  My mum was surely impressed of this particular school and at the lecturer's advocacy skills. I was, too and surprised myself for actually understanding what he was talking about until the price point came up. Apparently the school fees was more than what we could afford so off we went in hope for another better institute. Then, we came across my friend's booth and my mum decided to enquire. We event went to this institute personally. We found out that I could study for free as I satisfied the requirement for scholarship. Now, this institute (ATC) was in KL and I was partly tempted of the fact that I would get to hunt for good food and to regularly have the table graced with yong tau foo. For the next week, I went for their trial class. I was really excited. It was also my first time taking the train alone with my friend (and at this time, I was already very much interested in law).

  I remembered one Thursday, on the 20th March 2018, (as I refer back to my original entry in my diary) "I went to Kuala Lumpur Courts Complex. It's more like a magistrate court and it was big, with two sides stretching to the further end. The lawyers dressed up very neatly, with their sharp-edged stilettos. On the inside, many of them were older and looked wise. They looked elegant, proud….and stressed." I still remembered vividly how I saw one senior lawyer with a female assistant was pulling a luggage bag along with him. It reminded me very much of a drama (Woman With A Suitcase) in which the "attorney" always brought along her suitcase with all the important files inside. It was amusing to me. So in the end, I enrolled into this college, elated with the subjects I have chosen. I am happy to be at ATC although people say it is far too small for a college.

Info you might be interested:

1. What course are you taking?

- A-levels

2. Subjects?

- Law, Eng Lit, Business.

- Just want to add that Eng literature is my favourite subject XD. I was hesitant in taking it at first because of how my parents discouraged me by saying that it is a hard subject but I enjoyed it a lot and I regret nothing.

Updated at 9.13 a.m., 24 December 2018